Research Notes. Mary Karr.

Many have said in the past that in order to write well, you've got to read, read, read. So I am attempting to do just that - and I'll capture little blurbs about what I've read, as well as what's on my list, here.

Currently reading Mary Karr's Lit. I was transfixed by the opening letter to her son. Particularly the way she becomes somewhat transfixed by her son - perhaps because my son is so small now, and imagining him as an adult seems so far from my grasp. As I dive into the main part of the book, I find myself wishing she would go back to her son again - though I am sure his time will come. I don't like self-destructive stories, but somehow I keep reading them: Let's Take the Long Way Home, Drinking a Love Story, you get the picture.

Some of My Journals

For many years, these books & notebooks have been the things I would grab with all the strength I could muster in the event of a house fire. I've thought about getting a safety deposit box, or finding a fireproof cubby... or any number of things to protect these messy notebooks. Now that I have a baby of my own, I realize that my burning house priorities have changed (yep, the baby wins this one), but that I'd also like to keep the journals in tact somehow, so that he can read them one day, if interested.

Keeping the Arsonist At Bay

Quick change here on the name of the blog... it's been a couple of weeks. I've been busy. Crazed with work, then relaxing for vacation. Didn't make much progress on the manuscript or the blog, but I did review some of the project with my family. They didn't love it - but they did give me some good feedback. I also made my way through some of our family journals. Turns out, my great grandfather on my father's, mother's side was a pretty regular letter-writer and vanity publisher. He printed up at least eight volumes of these letter, from trips to Europe and Scandinavia.

They are nice snapshots of the trips - and the family chatter. They saw Hitler in Berlin in the mid '30's. The boys climbed the Jungfrau. Yet, I kept finding myself wanting to know exactly the things he didn't write about. How could they afford to rent these Chateaus in Europe each year? How could they be away from home for three months each year? Why so obsessed with Europe? Who did they leave behind? What was this paper box company he seemed to run, and that seemed to generate an endless stream of visitors, guests and travel companions?

Clearly, my great grandfather worked, traveled and wrote long before the age of blogs, twitter and all the rest - but given his prolific self-published record, I bet he'd be a supporter of my ideas today.

Which brings me to the title of this post - and of the blog overall. My mother didn't like the blog name, "Completely Self-Indulgent Adolescent Drivel" and so we brainstormed a bit and came up with something much more likely to be at least a chapter in the book - if not the title of the whole thing. Naturally Keeping the Arsonist at Bay has many levels of meaning for me. Ranging from the obvious: I am terrified of fire in our 1865 brownstone. To the less so: my father set a field on fire when he was 11, and is now convinced that my son will share his pyrotechnic obsession. To the personal/cerebral: overcoming self sabotage.

Not sure the title will cover all that I want to say or the themes I plan to explore... but it's a bit more intriguing and, oddly, less negative that the last. This is the fun part about a blog. I can keep on editing as often and as much as I like...

App Availability

Does anyone know when Instagram will be available for a Droid?

Preview of Future Blog-Post Concepts

1.) Tools for the memoir writer in 2011.
2.) Self publishing platforms.
3.) Why write a memoir now?
4.) Books outline.
5.) Discussion of top themes.
6.) Favorite journals - both on paper and in blogosphere.
7.) Snapshots of my personal journals.
8.) Survey for those who maintain journals: why do you do it?
9.) Survey for those who maintain journals: have you ever done anything more with those journals?
10.) Journal quote of the week.
11.) Plans for sabbatical.
12.) The next trip on my list.
13.) How to engage with friends and family who make appearances in the journals - do we preview the material with them? Disguise names?
14.) Why bother?

Four Books Contributing to My Temporary Lapse of Reason, Part I

Berlin Diaries 1940-1945 by Marie Vassiltchikov
A great read about what it was like in Berlin during the Second World War. This is the account of a woman who had aristocratic ties - her account mixed the glamor of the Adlon Hotel and the basics of the wartime experience. A great read. A recommendation from my father ages ago. Can't believe it isn't in e.* This book was one that I used (together with Hopeful Monsters*) as a guidebook to the city when I lived there in 1995 and again in 1999.

Dear Exile by Kate Montgomery and Hilary Liftin
Very compelling exchange of letters (imagine how thi sbook might not have happened if there had been email/blogs when they wrote these messages back and forth. The conversation between the two women as they find their way reminds me of some of the correspondences that I have had with friends over the years. One day soon, 'll track down the letters I wrote to my dear friend H. and those that I received back in 1991 when I lived and worked in the Pacific Northwest. While I enjoy Twitter as much as the next person... I must say that I sometimes miss the depth of correspondence that I had with my closest friends and family before the 160 character limit fixed itself in our collective consciousness.

A Visit from the Goon Squad, by Jennifer Egan
I wasn't sold on this recent book until I hit the chapter that takes place in Africa, and though I found it heartbreaking, it was one of the best things I have read in a very long time. Also, if you share my current obsession with communications and social media, you simply must get to the last section of this book (can't do any plot spoilers here). I've been a little off of fiction lately, though I think I may swing back soon... largely because of this particular book. I am definitely not writing fiction though I have tried in the past - it's too hard to keep up my willing suspension of disbelief.

Reluctantly, I will also refer to Eat, Pray, Love. I did enjoy the book, but I must say that I've read so many others that were at least as good, so I'm not sure what is was about this adventure that so captured the imagination of so many women. I liked the spiritual chapters most, and although the Bali bits were fun, I was a bit disappointed that she ended with such a traditional resolution: a boyfriend! It was like Clueless! I must say that I've been a little let down by her recent developments; after traveling the world, searching for enlightenment, writing a book on marriage, she ended up... opening a import/export store in New Jersey? Really?

Anyway, I'll add a few more here in the coming months as I gather my thoughts.


*I actually clicked the Amazon link to notify the publisher that I'd like a kindle version.

Tiergarten Quote from 1995 + 2011 Snapshot

Clearly, my concept of transcribing my journals and slapping this book together has morphed in the last four to six weeks. As I make my way through some of what I have written through the years, I am actually struck by how much drivel there actually is. Tonight I'd like to report that I found a quote worthy of surfacing for the blog - and possibly the book. Very on target with some of the themes I seem to be exploring. Nostalgia, reminders, timelessness and being in the moment. Significance of place and situation. We'll see how this contributes in my final book, but I'll share it here now.

"Photographs from the Ende und Angfang Austellung keep coming back to me in the park. The damaged sculptures and statues, secret sections beyond the ruins. It’s as though these bits of history are more alive in the park. In the rest of Berlin, cranes crowd the landscape and all of the energy is focused towards the future. Not bad in itself, but in the Tiergarten, it could be 1930, or it could be 1996. Such is the layering of history and sacred spaces."
- from my personal journal, Berlin, 23. July 1995

A Word About Self Portraits

I love them. I love self portraits taken by others of themselves. I love taking self portraits of myself with my family, friends, and all alone.

Part of it is the time/place stamping opportunity these images afford. Clearly I am not alone - point and shoots often come equipped now with front facing displays for this purpose. My cameras now have 3 frame releases for self-timer shots. But I still love the messy, slightly out of focus, poorly composed shots myself. Stick an arm out the window and get the wind in your face. Angle slightly to the left and you'll see the ESB over the Brooklyn Bridge.

Not sure what I will say in my story about self portraits but I think I may have each chapter start with one. Editing down will be extremely tough. This is my core challenge.

A.O. Scott Article - Susan Sontag 34 Years Later

Magazine
On (Digital) Photography: Sontag, 34 Years Later
By A. O. SCOTT
Published: May 6, 2011
Amid a blizzard of images, what is the worth of one photograph?

My favorite quote:

The camera, the darkroom, the museum and the archive all exist in the same place. Everywhere and nowhere; on Google Earth, in social networks, on a standard cellphone app. Every one of us commands a factory and a storehouse of images, vessels of information and nostalgia, desire and curiosity. And each of us spends more time than we care to admit browsing through it, searching out shards of memory and intimations of mortality.

What it's gonna take...

Okay, this isn't going to be easy.

Aside from the basic challenges of developing intelligent prose on a topic that is of interest to at least 5 other people, there are some fundamental logistical challenges to the accomplishment of my goal of completing and self-publishing a book before my next birthday. Here they are - and then I promise not to complain again (note that I am crossing my fingers as I type that).

1.) I do have a day job. And it is one that I love. It keeps me quite busy, thank you very much, and for some reason this year seems to be chock full o'travel. Normally that would be a-okay with me, but it's difficult to pull off in view of...
2.) I have a baby! I love him. He is, in fact, the light of my life. No kidding! Who knew?! I feel like I should write a personal apology to all of my friends who had babies before me for not realizing how tremendously awesome babies and kids actually are! In truth I was afraid of children (they puke! they are mean to each other!) until now.
3.) The combo pack is the hardest. Red-eye for me from SF last night and today the baby didn't get his afternoon nap. So of course, now, I am exhausted, he is over tired and unable to get to sleep. His crying actually makes my c-scar ache (at some point I'll probably tell his birth story - even though no one really wants to read it - except other moms-to-be or recently made mom's looking for comparable experiences).
4.) Then there are all of the other things I should be doing: like vacuuming, scrubbing the tub - or at the very least calling a cleaning lady to do these things. Next would be getting exercise. Let's just say that if I were to create a scale entitled 'State of My Health', 10 would be compared to the shape I was in on my wedding day - months of high fiber, low fat eating, walking and hours of pilates meant I was thin, but more importantly, I was actually remarkably healthy. At the other end of the spectrum, I'd put the comparison to 1 equal to about how I am doing right now. Never did any post op physical therapy, nor a minute of pilates or yoga. No time. Am eating badly, sleeping too little and generally not making my health the priority that it ought to be. Sad to admit this on mother's day eve. If my mom told me this information, I'd get very cross with her.

So, I don't know how to solve all of these things, other than to say the following: I have about 2 hours each evening after the baby goes to sleep to be productive. This fluctuates by evening of course (if he is up late because he missed his nap, I have less time), and sometimes, I have other work to do or I am on the road (from previously mentioned, beloved day job). Yet, under no circumstances will I exercise between 8 and 10pm - I simply know myself and I won't do it.

So, I'll be writing. The biggest conflict for this particular time seems to be mindless (and sometimes mindful) television. I'll try not to get too addicted to bad TV. Right now I am really only interested in two shows: The Good Wife and the George RR Martin mini-series on HBO.

Seems like I could still pump out some material a few times each week, no?

Oh, I didn't even mention this blog as a distraction. Probably. Yeah. But I am in the camp that when you announce your intention to do something, you are more likely to succeed. So we can look at the blog 2 ways: 1.) a distraction, 2.) a useful tool to keep me on track and focused. Likely both.

Source Materials & Inspiration

My parents were in town on Saturday and Sunday - and we had a blast. Since beginning the brainstorming on this project, I have been taking stock of all of the possible source material I could look to for inspiration and ideas. Family is particularly fertile ground for research. Of course, the whole concept of self-publishing has been around for quite some time. Though it may have broadened in popularity once it became free & easy through web-based tool. My great grandfather put together several volumes of travel journals (which I fully intend to track down next time I am home). My father actually published a volume of his father's letters home during World War II. And everyone on my mom's side of the family has kept a journal -the old fashioned kind, not the blog sort- has kept a journal for ages.

What's effective? Is it best simply to refer to these journals and writings as inspiration but then write completely fresh prose? Some of my own journals, while amusing to me, might not be (dare I say) all that interesting to someone else.

I think it's more useful to flip through for ideas and memories - and then bring a fresh take. Afterall, what I thought profound at 16 isn't guaranteed to stand up to my standards today. Although after flipping through some stuff from high school, I have to say I was more more thoughtful in some ways then, than I am now. Part fo that was likely because I was, at age 16, in practice. I actually wrote with frequency and looked for new perspectives constantly. I read the paper, mined my dreams, queried by friends, challenged my parents and READ like crazy.

Have I grown complacent? Am I using that creative energy up in my day job and home projects? Do I still have it in me?

Woman in Llanganuco, Peru

From a trip in 2003. The woman in the picture is cooking up guinea pigs for the only tourist concession around. She was lovely.

Topics that Sustain Us.

For some reason, I keep stumbling up against the Millennium Development Goals. I was at a work function recently and Tina Sharkey, the global president of Baby Center, gave a talk about her mandate and that of Baby Center. She's a super impressive speaker - very dynamic and full of energy, but I was most struck by her sense of mission. She had clearly taken the Millennium Development Goals to heart, and from that framework, she has given her business a strong push in what I think is a great direction. Knowing that the mission of your organization directly contributes to one of these goals must be tremendously inspiring to employees, attractive to investors and useful to the consumers whose lives are thereby improved through its use (and yes, I am on Baby Center, most nights).

Of course, nothing is that simple: there is lots of debate around the goals. Everything from how they were established, to how to measure them, and of course, who funds the projects - not to mention the means toward improvement. Clearly if you are working on maternal health (goal #5), family planning will come into the mix. So there you go. Let's face it: it's nearly impossible to have a conversation about maternal health without a discussion of contraception. And at least in the U.S. contraception appears to be the death of funding for health initiatives.

So, you might ask: why are you talking about this?

Because I plan to tie the topic of my book back to these goals in some way. I think that will give me a bit more motivation to finish and provide a thorough investigation on some of themes in the book. I am not really cut out for memoir writing, but I think it would be fun to do - given years of journals and notebooks. I think what will ground my personal stories in some kind of context bigger than the completely indulgent adolescent drivel you likely expect is a broader picture of what I personally observe.

A Beautiful Boy.

I actually wrote the text for a kids book for him earlier this year, but I am not much of an illustrator, so it sits on "my shelf" for at least a little while. May make it into a chapter of the new book. Could tie into some of the themes well.

2,500 Words So Far

Good stuff so far. I've assembled an outline during my son's naps today and written a couple of short pieces to start warming up the process. I'm struggling with a few critical issues. I don't want to write anything that may be painful for my family or my friends. Reviewing some of my journals, I am realizing that there are definitely some topics that are simply not meant for public consumption. Yet, I do think there are other anecdotes and occurances that would be fine to share, and may even be (gasp!), entertaining! I do want this an entertaining and funny read.

Ten Ground Rules

There are a couple of things I'd like to accomplish through this project:

1.) Keep all material in the cloud. I plan to keep all drafts and source documents on Flickr or in Google Docs. In fact, I don't really need MS Word, because I can work in the cloud and never have to pay a thing.

2.) Print nothing. Did you know we have a problem with global warming? And today does happen to be Earth Day.

3.) Spend money only on a book doctor. After I have a draft, I plan to hire someone to edit and shape the book so that it is actually readable. I've read that many self-published authors hire their own editors to help, and I think this would be helpful. But I am long way from that... must get a draft together first.

4.) Produce a full length eBook and print-on-demand (POD) trade paperback simultaneously and make both available as broadly as possible.

5.) Force self to actually tell people about the project. Once I am out of the closet, I'll have to keep at it. 43 Things has a site dedicated to public goal setting. Writing a book is currently the number two goal of all time.

6.) Spend time developing an audience and marketing the book using social media and free online tools.

7.) Work only nights and weekends.

8.) Bore no one with the ideas or plans for the book unless they stumble upon this blog.

9.) Develop a voice. And a point of view. Attention to tone, humor, and nuance.

10.) Enjoy the process. Digging through old journals, scanning faded photographs, tracking down stories from my family for relevant anecdotes and stories. This is an act of appreciation.

The Route Ahead.

The Road to Bielefeld, a photo by mandaclose on Flickr.

The book is going to be part travelogue, part memoir, part exploration. It will be primarily text, but liberally sprinkled with interesting snapshots - kind of an old school travel journal. If a typical book is 70,000 words, I've got a long way to go.

Ideally, I am going to get this out before I turn 40. Without identifying anything personally incriminating, let's just say, that I'd have to average a lot more than 1000 words a day to get this puppy together, edited, layed out and into the marketplace with that goal in mind.

But a goal it is.
I'm going for it.

Testing. Testing. This thing on?

This is my book project.